31 Flavors of Fallacy

It isn't hard to identify the sweet sound of childhood melodies as it drives up the road blasting from the tinny speakers on a hot summer's day. It's the ice cream truck. Children chase after it, excited to devour an icy treat.

The unique thing about the ice cream truck, besides the sometimes creepy proprietor driving it, is that it comes to you. It's constantly on the move. Never staying in one place too long, but gracing neighborhoods across the map with it's delightful presence. The ice cream truck unexpectedly puts you in the mood for frosty flavors, a fudgicle or a strawberry short cake bar, inspired by the rhythmic tinkling of You Are My Sunshine on your eardrum. It's actually a genius concept: it gives you what you want, it brings it directly to you, and it cleverly links three of my favorite senses in harmony. Vision, taste and sound are all susceptible to the ice cream truck's charms.

But what happens when one kid always holds up the line, asking to try the different flavors before he makes his purchase? Every other kid in line thought about it earlier in the day, or even earlier in the week. Some kids have known since their last ice cream cone, the kind of ice cream that they're going to try next time. Not this kid; this kid wants to sample every flavor and tests the patience of the ice cream truck as well as the other kids on the block. This kid knows he can get away with it, because the ice cream truck wants his allowance. This kid ends up like a stalled truck's Yankee Doodle tune: tired, overplayed, and even annoying.

I have a friend who recently bid farewell to a five-year relationship. We'll call her Susie. She packed up her things and set out to search for new flavors in the hopes that she'd find one that suits her better.

Traveling for work, Susie chatted up a good looking guy at the airport bar. He was cute, friendly, and seemingly successful. He was the hot fudge to top her cold ice cream, and she found herself slowly melting with his charm. The cherry on top - he happened to live in the same area as her. Their seats were next to each other on the plane, so the lively conversation over drinks turned into an intimate conversation mid-air. Like the first taste of a rocket pop, it left colorful evidence of a good time. He kept telling her how he's never met anyone liker her, and how it's so hard to find someone so REAL these days. They spent the 4-hour layover in Denver wrapped in sweet conversation sprinkled with intense flirtation. The two exchanged numbers and decided to meet up the next week.


He texted her over the weekend - "Hey cutie, let's meet at the Yardhouse on Wednesday for drinks." She accepted, familiar with the location and looking forward to the date. It was the same thrilling feeling that the ice cream truck brings to your tummy when as it sings down the block, anticipation to get a whole scoop of the flavor you only sampled last week.


On Tuesday, Susie was entertaining some business clients who wanted to go out for a drink after work. One of them mentioned the Yardhouse, and how she heard that they have great specials. After trying to dissuade the group from going to the same locale that she knew she'd be at the next night, my friend caved in and joined them there. She assessed the room, checking the scene imagining how perfect the setting will be for her and Prince Charming. She scoped out where they should sit, and what she should order, as a girl is likely to do. As she previewed the evening in her mind, reality took her head in its hands and pointed her toward a familiar face. A quick double take, and she was shocked to spot who? The airport guy! At least, maybe it's him...but no it can't be...is he - wait, he's with a date?? He brought a date to the same restaurant today, that he's going to take me to tomorrow?? It was like brain freeze of the heart!


His hot caramel sauciness had melted her heart, but now dissolved the whole affair into a gooey mess in no time. She would fudge her way out of the date the next night, that's for sure. What should she do now? What could she do? It was awkward, and embarassing but he wasn't terribly in the wrong. It's like when you dribble a little sundae onto your shirt - nothing you can do about it, and it doesn't make the sundae any less tasty. How could she not have seen it coming? She is NOT in the busines for re-used popsicle sticks, and has no interest being treated as one cookie in an ice cream sandwich.


Susie decided to take the high road. Be the better person. After all, Baskin Robbins boasts 31 flavors, and this guy's single scoop of vanilla pales in comparison. Of course, she would also play him at his own game. Like two kids fighting for the last Orange Dream Creamsicle, she would not step down. She would fight this battle not just for herself, but for all the other women out there craving the same delectable treat: to be treated with a little respect.


She grabbed one of her male co-workers and filled him in. He spoke to the wait staff, and it turns out that this was the guy's regular spot. They had ever so observantly noticed his monopolizing presence for some time. He even had the nerve to take out one of the servers, and then bring a different date in the next night. This waitress was in for Operation Meltdown.


The waitress approached the table and explained that she had an emergency and would have to leave, but that one of their very best servers would be taking over. Susie wiped the smile off her face and walked toward the table. As the two customers viewed their menus intently, the akward silence of first date conversation stalled, she said, "Can I answer any questions for you about our specials? Oh wait, you already know what the Tuesday night specials are, don't you? They are the same every week."


Complete horror filled his face as he met her eyes. Guilt and embarrassment churned in his stomach like old fashion ice cream. He was chilled by the salt in her icy tone: "May I recomend not getting the tenderloin? It looks good and it sounds great, but it's overdone, overrated and is full of baloney." The oblivious girl on the date seemed pleased by the advice, because she was about to order that very same plate-of course she was.

This guy was that kid at the ice cream counter, asking to sample all the flavors but never buying a full scoop of any one of them! If you always go to the same spot, you are bound to be stopped in your sampling. And maybe he kept taking dates to the same restaurant, and maybe they kept falling for his recycled lines. Susie didn't want to stand in line waiting for him to decide that her taste was best. She certainly wasn't about to be put up as the Flavor of the Month, only to be sent back to the back freezer the next month. I encourage people to test out different styles, to date around, to sample the crowd - that is what adult dating is about. However, it's messy to bring every date to the same spot. Tasting flavor after flavor, asking sample after sample from the same ice cream truck, and someone is bound to catch on eventually and cut you off. So if you find yourself running eagerly down the road after that childhood tune in hopes of catching happiness, just remember to keep your wits about you and to always look both ways when crossing, you don't want to get blind sided by your treat!


Mudslide Pie
Ingredients

For the crust:

• 7 ounces chocolate cookie crumbs, plus more for garnish
• 2 tablespoons butter, melted

For the filling:

• 3 (1-quart) containers coffee ice cream
• Chocolate sauce
• Chopped nuts, optional

For the crust:

Directions

Using a large mixing bowl, place cookie crumbs and melted butter. Mix until the ingredients are well blended and moist. Keep mixture at room temperature until needed for pie shells.

Lightly spray 2 pie tins with vegetable oil. Place the prepared crust into the pie tins and press firmly on the bottom and sides of each tin, forming a smooth and even thickness approximately 1/8-inch thick. Use a ladle to even out the crusts. Place the pie crusts in freezer before ice cream can be placed into crusts.

For the filling:

Equally portion the ice cream into the pie shells. Mound the ice cream to create a 3-inch high dome. Use a glove and napkin to help with this process. Place pies on a sheet pan and place in the freezer for approximately 6 hours or more.

To serve, drizzle with chocolate sauce and sprinkle with more cookie crumbs and chopped nuts, if desired.