The Perfect Meal

If you are lucky enough to have found love in your life, you've probably lost it as well. It hurts when the love ends, the burn of rejection is painful for both parties and takes time to get over. We hope that we can move on, and use the pain to avoid the same mistakes again in the future.

But what happens if the relationships don't end badly enough? When the memory of how good it was outlasts the breakup blues? We want to feel good that past loves have moved on. We want them to be happy, to find what they deserve. That is, until you wake up one day and realize that your wish came true. That they are happy, and with someone else.

It's like the Perfect Meal that can never be recreated. I was on vacation a couple years ago, traveling through a distant land sampling the flavors of local cuisine. The final night of the trip, I treated myself to a fancy dinner at an acclaimed restaurant that I read about in my travel book. I lavishly ordered my meal as recommended by the server, paired it with a fine local wine, and sat overlooking the coastline glowing with the descending sun. When the meal was served, I reflected the dusk glow in delight as I savored every last bite of the meal. Never had I eaten a dish so delectable that fulfilled every fantasy I've formed about food. I chewed slowly, sipped wine between each bite, and cleansed the palette with water so that every bite seemed like the first. I sadly scraped the last morsel from my plate.


Is it silly to be saddened by the end of a meal? On the same note, is it selfish to be saddened by this progression to the next love? You crave the connection you had to the plate, and you crave the connection you had with your mate. You want nothing more than to write an email, or make a call to say hi after all these years. They are happy now, but it's hard to just leave it alone. There lingers a need for reassurance that they still care, even after all these years. The memory of taste lingers with you long after dinner has ended. Even though you still think about dinner, time moves on and you have to think about breakfast, then lunch....and all of a sudden it's time for a new dinner.


The thing is, when you make that call, send that email or come face to face with them, it will never be what you imgained. People change and so do we, which only creates more of a distance between where you used to be with them, and where you find yourself now. It's like the amazing meal that you once had, that no matter what, you can never recreate. Lincoln once said "Its not how many years in your life you've lived, but how much life in your years."


Many times since that most perfect meal, I've attempted to recreate the dish. Poached seabass stuffed with creamed spinach, lying atop a bed of fresh tomatoes, encircled by a ring of creamy potato goodness. I remember so clearly how it tasted. And every attempt is good, just not as good as that Perfect Meal.


We hold onto memories. Slight glipses from our past, that coach us through the present. These insights are directly connected to our hearts. After years go by it is so much easier to remember the good than the bad. That one second of a kiss, or a look they gave you engraves itself in your soul. But life isn't like that. Relationships can't be glued together by a moment. Even if that moment was your own personal love story. Relationships are work. They are not always light and pretty and beautiful.


Sometimes it take years to understand what you had. With all the answers you sought at that time, only now do you have the capability to understand the questions. What really matters? The little annoyances seems so petty now, but they meant a lot at the time.


I think the answer to the question is every love has a meaning. Just like every meal has its place in the day, every love meets some need for fulfillment. It is not a meaning that is beyond our control, but how we use the lesson that the meaning provides. How to not screw it up in the future, but to appreciate what we have. Sometimes we have to lose before we can understand what is missing. Sometimes our biggest lost is our greatest discovery. To be able to accept your mistakes in the past is one of the greatest things a person can possess. To be able to see it is a true virtue. Look at what you have learned and embrace it. These loves have taught you more about yourself than even you know. People say you fall to pick yourself back up again, but I think you fall to experience pain. To deepen your empathy. To understand that you will always fall, and that you need to always be strong enough to take it. You have to keep that pain of falling in your memory and use it. Use it to appreciate what you feel when you are standing, because the moment you forget, you will fall again in a friendly reminder to keep appreciation. Remember pain is there for a reason. It's there to tell us something is wrong. Neither pain nor happiness would exist with out the other. So be strong and feel the pain. Use the happy memories to catapolt you up to the sky. Keep trying to recreate that same dish with the understanding that it will never be the same, but may be a Perfect Meal in a different way. Life's a rollercoaster so buckle up and make it through. Try to smile and scream and feel everything along the way!

Sea Bass Poached in a Court Bouillon with Sauteed Batonnet of Carrots and Zucchini:

Ingredients

• 1/4 cup minced shallots
• 1 tablespoon minced garlic
• 2 cups court bouillon, recipe follows
• 4 (4-ounce) sea bass fillets, skin removed
• Salt and white pepper
• 4 ounces, 1 stick, cubed, cold unsalted butter
• 1 tablespoon freshly chopped tarragon
• 1 tablespoon freshly chopped chervil, plus more for garnish
• 2 teaspoons olive oil
• 1 teaspoon butter
• 1 1/2 cups carrots, cut into batonnet (1/4 by 1/4-inch by 2 1/2 to 3 inches)
• 1 1/2 cups zucchini, cut into batonnet
• 2 tablespoons water

Directions

Place a 12-inch saute pan on the stove, add the shallots, garlic and court bouillon to the pan. Set over a high heat and bring to a boil. Reduce the heat to a gentle simmer and cook for 5 minutes. Season the sea bass fillets on both sides with the salt and white pepper. Place the fillets in the poaching liquid and cover with a lid, or a buttered round of parchment paper. Cook the fish for 5 to 6 minutes, or until cooked through.

Remove the fillets from the poaching liquid using a slotted metal spatula and place on a warm plate loosely covered with aluminum foil. Put the plate in a warm place while you make the sauce. Raise the heat to high and reduce the court bouillon for about 10 minutes, or until reduced to 1/2 cup. Lower the heat, and add the butter to the pan a little at a time. Use a whisk to stir the cold butter into the sauce and season with salt and white pepper. Sprinkle the tarragon and chervil into the sauce and return the fish to the pan. Place the pan over a medium-low heat and warm the fish through, about 1 minute.

In a 10-inch saute pan, set over a medium-heat, add the olive oil and 1 teaspoon of butter to the pan. Once the butter has melted, add the carrots to the pan and saute, stirring often for 1 1/2 minutes. Add the zucchini and 2 tablespoons of water to the pan and continue to cook for 2 minutes more. Season the vegetables with salt and white pepper and divide among 4 warmed entree plates. Place a sea bass fillet over the vegetables and divide the sauce among the 4 plates as well. Garnish with chervil.

Court Bouillon:

2 quarts water

2 cups dry white wine

1/4 cup lemon juice

1 1/2 cups small dice onion

3/4 cup small dice carrots

3/4 cup small dice celery

1/2 cup small dice leeks

1 tablespoon whole black peppercorns

2 bay leaves

3 sprigs fresh thyme

1/2 bunch parsley stems

Combine all the ingredients into a 4-quart saucepan and bring to a boil. Reduce the heat to a simmer and continue to cook for 45 minutes. Strain the bouillon and use immediately, or cool and refrigerate for later use. The bouillon may also be frozen and kept for several months.